I wasn't born "fat"
"Mom, why do you hurt yourself so much, just trying to be thin?"
I was 8 years old.
Watching my mom recover from getting a feather stuck in her throat.
Seems silly enough. It's just a feather, she would be fine.
But she had her jaw wired shut.
In an effort to stop eating so much.
I'm sure she wasn't the only one.
Doctors have been helping (mostly women) lose weight for decades now.
Every ridiculous method we can conjure up.
Eating cotton balls, taking dangerous pills with nasty side effects, cutting out organs, smoking, extreme restriction / starvation, extreme exercise bordering on abuse.... wiring your jaw shut.
She couldn't get the water in her mouth to help get the feather out.
It was so scary.
That was my mom... fading away right in front of me.
And for what? Why do we do this to ourselves?
All because we are too darn FAT?
F- that!
I wasn't born FAT. Chubby, sure... but FAT is a judgement I would NEVER put on an innocent child.
And I know my mom didn't mean to put her pain on me... but she did it anyway... with this simple answer to my question....
"Because your father doesn't like FAT women."
And so it began... my 40 year obsession with "not being FAT"... because that must mean I was unlovable.
So tender the 8 year old's mind.
So impressionable.
Truth be told, she is still alive and well inside my mind and heart.
I still get very uncomfortable when I gain weight. That connection from weight gain to unlovable to worthlessness is a long practiced belief.
THE BIG DIFFERENCE IS THAT SHE IS NO LONGER ALONE.
I learned some important skills on exactly how to make peace with that long held belief system while also honoring, loving, and respecting my grown self.
I learned that it's okay to be not okay.
I learned how to take that intense self condemnation and turn it into intense self acceptance.
And suddenly the right actions that align with the BEST version of myself unfolds easily.
It only takes a few sessions to unravel years of old patterns and get you feeling great in your body again (or maybe for the first time).
I hope to see you soon!
